Ordering Roommates Online

In a previous post here at Great Opinations, I mentioned a few money saving tips to help you survive the dire economic climate. I have taken my own advice, and am currently living at home "to save money." However, I don't foresee this being a permanent arrangement. In order to ensure that I am ready to strike out on my own as soon as the situation allows, I recently decided the creep the Craigslist housing pages. Unfortunately, instead of inspiring me, looking through these ads has straight blown my mind. I guess I was (falsely) under the impression that people searching for roommates would be searching for, say, someone who can pay the bills and keep the common areas clean. Silly me. Why stop there? Posting free classified ads to giant audiences means you can get specific. Here are a few representative excerpts from people renting rooms. (I am NOT making these up.)

First:
Ideal roommate would be pro-choice, vegan/vegetarian (**household is meat free**)

OK. Fine. Your house is meat free. Fine. But pro-choice? How on EARTH is that A) ANY of your business? and B) A pre-requisite for renting a room? These are not rhetorical questions. I want to know. For real.

Second:
[Looking for] Vegetarian, queer friendly, community minded, don't smoke anything, socially & environmentally conscious, open-minded, fun yet responsible & respectful, committed to open & honest communication, appreciate clean common areas & don't watch TV (movies okay).

Oh, you will allow me to watch movies? Oh THANKS! I appreciate it! When can I move in? Do you mind if I take a shower? Is it all right if I make a snack? Vegetarian of course! I wouldn't want you to be in the vicinity of meat. I'm going to go to sit on the couch and not watch TV now if that's OK.

And now my personal favorite:

You hopefully are into eating lower on the food chain and living a simple life. You are easy to get a long with but also speak your mind and don't let things well up. Hopefully you like bikes, art and circus but you aren't a hipster and your friends call you humble.

Well, let's see. I feel indifferent about bikes and have never even thought about whether or not I like circuses. Do I still qualify? Is there anyone who likes bikes, art and the circus that ISN'T a hipster? If you are going to describe three things in an ad that you would hope someone is interested in, how can circuses possibly make the cut? Maybe I should lie on my application. I am a non hipster vegan painter cyclist who loves elephants, clowns, and little people. I cannot believe that I found this ad. It's a perfect match!

Now I don't mean to be an out-of-touch traditionalist, but am I the only one who thinks this is out of hand? Posting an ad on Craigslist is not like special ordering a custom computer. Maybe someday we can look forward to robot roommates who eat what we do and enjoy to watch or not watch what we do, but until that glorious day in the future, it looks like you're stuck with me, suckas! Or alternatively, I will be living at home forever. Sigh.