Top 5 Ways To Make Money During These Tough Economic Times

My fellow Americans,

We are in the midst of The Greatest Crisis Since The Great Depression. Times are tough. But don't worry. Here at Great Opinations, I have some fail safe, risk free solutions to help you through it. Trust me. If your bills are adding up while your income shrinks, then these ideas are for you:

1. Request a bailout (and be Too Big To Fail.)

Hey, if it worked for an industry that is manufacturing cars than no one wants, it can work for you. Set up a hearing in congress, drive to it in a hybrid car, and and describe the chaos and devastation that will result if you don't get your bonuses and have to start traveling coach. For good measure, blame the unions. Watch the money roll in.

2. File a frivolous lawsuit.

Engage in the proud American tradition of excessive litigation. Throw yourselves in front of a fancy car, slip and fall in the lobby of a big corporation, "find" rat droppings in your pre-packaged food, and sue, sue, sue!

(This option has the added bonus of public adoration when the people see you bring down The Man.)

3. Invent something awesome.

I would give you an example, but I don't want to give anything away. You are not the only one who needs money! I will, however, provide some tips. First, invent something that will cost people a lot of money. Second, make it really awesome so that people will want to buy it. You will cash in in no time.

4. Mail me your gold.

For a small fee, I will collect your gold, sell it to a pawnshop, and send you your percentage. Avoid the hassle of doing it yourself. But don't worry. I am totally trustworthy.

5. Buy my Feng Shui Finance Crystals.

These fabulous crystals will add much needed positive energy to your house. Hang them near where you pay your bills and watch your financial fortune turn. For only $39.95, you can get your set today. AND, for every person you get to buy them, you will get a commission. The more people you get to buy, the more money YOU make! If you can't afford to buy these, then you can't afford NOT to. Order today!

Good luck!
shannza

Top 5 Ways To Save Money During These Tough Economic Times

Hi. How are you? Broke? Me too. But don't worry. I have compiled a list of five money saving ideas to help you survive these tough economic times.

1. Move in with your parents.

I know, this may seem drastic. But there is no better way to save money than to stop paying rent. Yes, it may crush your soul, break your spirit, and compromise your will to live, but think of the savings! And think of how much you will appreciate your self sufficiency once the economy recovers and you move out!

2. Offer to get the next one.

This money saving technique is risky. The person who gets the first round must sincerely believe that you are either staying around for the next one, or are planning on getting together again soon. It is important that you make your exit seem unexpected. Maybe you get a "phone call" and have to leave right away. Or look at your watch, express shock, and dash out apologetically. Either way, you just partook in a social activity, and kept your wallet full of Washingtons. Win-Win!

(note: If you get caught exercising this technique, your friend might think you are a "jerk" or "freeloader." Your friend will be correct, but this post isn't "Top 5 Ways To Be A Good Friend.")

3. Get on the bus.

Stop paying for parking, gas, car insurance, scented trees, and speeding tickets. Why pay for a convenient, time saving, independent and fun form of transportation when you could experience the adventure of public transportation? Think of the whimsy of buses off schedule, people pushing and shoving you, sitting next to crying babies and sulking teenagers. Think of the hours spent waiting on the sides of busy streets. The stories you will have! The people watching you can do! And the money you will save.

4. Sleep more.

The cheapest thing that you can do (especially when you are living at someone else's place) is sleep. You are not eating, drinking, shopping, or using much electricity. As a bonus, you will be able to sleep through the worst of the financial crisis. I recommend 12-14 hours per night. It might take a few days to get your body used to this routine, but once you do, the savings will start adding up. When you come home from work (should you be so lucky), simply go to bed, and stay there until it's time to go to work again.

5. Lifetime Movies


If you do crave some sort of entertainment, look no further than basic cable. The Lifetime network is full of cinematic masterpieces that are sure to entertain. With plots that include cheating husbands, promiscuous teens and domestic violence, valuable lessons come with each film. I recommend Not Without My Daughter, Mother, May I Sleep With Danger, Brave New Girl (Nice literary reference, Lifetime!), and A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story.